so, i need money, send me some, i want to buy this, it is classy, and i am classy like this picture.

an original poem by a friend

Dear Pain,
go
dear pain,
dont stay here.
dear pain,
this is enough.
dear pain,
you tear me.
loveeee jamie

"my mom asked me if i met any boys in college...or any girls"

asking for it

so an amiga of mine is apparently upset that i have not posted anything about her sexually scandalous life. so, although i told myself i would stray from making this blog too sexual, this will obviously be an exception, because she in fact was asking for it. and i don't mean that figuratively, hypothetically or any ly, but rather literally. so here is  a sexploit of a dear friend, who apparently enjoys hot tub sex, giving blowjobs on bunk beds and many more, which my inner conscience tells me to withhold. so thats just a taste, suck on it, gargle it, swallow it. this one is for you.

photo cred: google images

tastes like shit

so...there are a lot of things that i have learned that i do not enjoy. thanks to college, i am now able to present them to you in a list of some sort. some of the things that i have learned that i do not like are: spoiled milk, laundry, medicine like drinks, medicine like hookah, medicine, being sober...jk...am i?
and that is the question i shall leave you with.

photo cred: lakeview pharmacy

tastes like candy

hmm....there are a lot of things that i have found in college that taste very very good including my favorite drink ever as referred to in earlier posts, revenge, black cloves, kosher food, jewish children, bagged wine, and many many more. so a toast to all of my new found loves, and to a sweet new year as they say.

photo cred: zionecon

need some inspiration

photo cred: ffffound

"you remind me of home"

an original for all of y'all, steal it and i will kill y'all!

Mommy always said “Never Talk to Lawyers”

The tickle in my throat, the words reach my lips,

Scratching to get out, chapping fiercely,

I feel the words slipping off the tip of my tongue,

But catch them with a hand, 

Cupped, they suffocate.

The words were true, but filled with hate,

They burned my mouth, until my saliva boiled,

Me, a child, afraid to spew songs so acidic,

As long as they were in me, only I hurt, 

Aloud, cage-free, my wings would grow in spite of him.

A startling tap on my shoulder,

She asked me tiredly if I was ready to talk yet,

I told her in a low voice what I was feeling,

Inaudible, she asked me to repeat myself,

And in a tone slightly higher, I asked for some Chapstick.

Asthma Attack by Etgar Keret

When you have an asthma attack, you can’t breathe. When you can’t breathe, you can hardly talk. To make a sentence all you get is the air in your lungs. Which isn’t much. Three to six words, if that. You learn the value of words. You rummage through the jumble in your head. Choose the crucial ones—those cost you too. Let healthy people toss out whatever comes to mind, the way you throw out the garbage. When an asthmatic says “I love you,” and when an asthmatic says “I love you madly,” there’s a difference. The difference of a word. A word’s a lot. It could be stop, or inhaler. It could even be ambulance.

photo cred: amazon

unless we're drunk

in my creative genius and extreme generosity, i have decided that i am going to dedicate a post to my dear friends (if you can call them that), from Usen 1. they make me laugh, they have weird smelling asian ointments, they get sent to hospitals, they have an international girl. so pretty much, they've got everything. 

but seriously, more about this fucking ointment. h-dawg applies this ointment to every single part of her body and claims that her cures all of her ailments, personally i think this is bullshit. i think that she just likes to stink up the fucking hallways with her weird ass ointment. that is all i have to say about that.

"like what do i do"

while having a conversation with my dearest friend who will remain nameless in this post, she discussed in great detail the sexual excursion that she had last night as well as a very detailed description of his...., anyway it went a little something like this.

her...

we just did it all night, and his dick was like really long and wide

and like

photo cred: cosmopolitan 

i was in these wild positions

like what do i do

me...

ive never had that pain in my vagina

her...

ike

icing it- no help

streching-no help

prescription drugs-nada

any other ideas

i am proud to call her a friend!

wow, i am speechless

i have learned two things tonight, and both are extremely important to share with you, my readers, who are most likely the majority of the world.

#1. never, and i repeat never, ever pregame with girls!
let me explain, if you pregame with girls, you get cheap wine cooler shit that is both disgusting and does not get you drunk at all.

#2. absinthe is most likely the nectar of the gods.
that is all i am going to say about that! passing out so goodnight boston, massapequa, and anyone else who gives a shit enough to read the shit that i write on this.

oh, how i worry about you

some people collect seashells, coins, stamps, records.
Me,
I collect STD's

the lovely broken social scene.

for which i have written a poem.

entitled the lovely broken social scene,

the lovely broken social scene

how they dance and play,

the lovely broken social scene,

play music through the day,

the lovely broken social scene,

this poem is annoying to write,

the lovely broken social scene,

fuck it,

they were good, their opener was way too long, and wasted my fucking high! believe me, i was pissed. otherwise they put on an amazing show, and there were at least 8-9 people on stage at all times.

i did learn one thing last night,

if you plan on wearing contacts and then smoking a lot of weed, don't expect taking them out to be an easy feat. i literally pulled on my eyeball like 40 times until i finally got both out. whatever, i went to a show, and i am showing off that i am hip and go to concerts. so get over it.

ok go-wtf

dear readers,

a friend recently told me that this video mimics what you see when you are under the influence of lsd. this is also, however, an amazing song. although i am very interested in psychedelics, they can fuck up your brain. remember to always stay away from drugs that are addicting, deadly, and don't seem like fun.   cause if there's no fun, then what's the point? right? 

sincerely,

 ABBY

my interests, are you one of them?

i like...

creamy peanut butter

chunky peanut butter
reese's peanut butter cups
peanut butter M & M's
peanut M & M's
reese's bites
salted peanuts
honey roasted peanuts
dry roasted peanuts
peanuts in trail mix
the peanut butter side of a pb & j
peanut butter frosting
peanut butter ice cream
peanut butter pie
recalled peanut butter
gymnastics

these are some of my interests, are you one of them?

"when there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire"

i like to read, i like skeletons, and i like cigarettes that look like joints. anyway, this post is to show everyone out there that i read. end of story. David Sedaris is fantastic, funny (i mean i guess he's okay) and i suggest this book to anyone who likes to show off that they know how to read as much as i do.

Uggh is it too early to hate this?

i always swore to myself that this day would never come, but as you can see it did. i always associated blogs with whiny little kids complaining about their good-fortune and their boyfriend troubles. to be honest i have been way too busy with my good-fortune and boyfriend troubles, i have never found the time to blog, i really wonder how they had the time. this is it, my first post, so enjoy kiddies, and if you like what you see, send me some pictures of you naked ;).